Sorry To Disrupt the Peace

In Sorry to Disturb the Peace, Patty Yumi Cantrell masterfully in creates a surreal portrait of Helen Moran's character through the clues dropped within the subtext and in the reflective voices of the  supporting characters. Helen is like a Picasso figure, abstract in her distortions yet mesmerizingly beautiful, I could not look away no matter how uncomfortable she made me. She is naked and brilliantly textured. The perverse pleasurable sensations she experiences from watching the toxic foam swallow the mites in the house plant, her multiple vivid descriptions of the taste of bile in her mouth,  and the recounting of her epic shit taken on the plane all hook me with a level of raw, honesty which are rarely achieved within polite discourse or literary achievements of this caliber.

Helen's journey of disenfranchisement is a powerful thread which binds the fractured psyche of her interior landscape of isolation with the characters of her childhood community. Her repetitive use of "adoptive" serves to illustrate that rather than having a biological, natural, cultural or family relationship, she had been taken in but never afforded a sense of belonging.  The pervasive shock inevitably expressed by all whom she informs that she now working with "troubled" youth, underscores not only their consistently low opinion of her, both in regards to her general mental stability and in her possessing any aptitude to be of service to others. Therefore I felt that, Sister Reliability becomes an apt moniker which expresses her rebellion and rejection of these judgements and captures her unwavering commitment to serve others with whom, even she, admittedly sees more than a bit of herself reflected within.

The obsessive nature of Helen Moran's investigation into her adoptive brother's suicide creates the principle "push me, pull you" tension within this book. Suicide is taboo, many feel that it is best not to glorify or identify to closely with this level of self destructive autonomy. Yet Moran's assessment that, "Suicide is everywhere...an attractive solution to the irrational, the depressed, and the pathological"(192) is undeniably reasonable. Through her exploration of the six common reasons people commit suicide, she is unwavering in her beliefs regarding her brother's final actions, "he never lost control...he composed his suicide...more than he composed his life...and he left nothing to chance"(110.) The truths that Helen discovers, reveal not only the generosity of her brother's spirit, albeit his obvious depths of his depression, and simultaneously, his clarify his motivations underlying his choice to end his life. They are simultaneously heartbreaking and surprising. Oddly, they also confirm Helen's fantastic assertions, which like so much else in Helen's life, could so easily be brushed off as the justifications of an unreliable narrator.

Ultimately, I admired, Helen's unbending resolve to allow her "rage"(ascribed by others) and bitterness (self acknowledged) fuel her revenge.
"I read the story of the Cyclops ten times before I closed my eyes in peace. Suddenly the Cyclops occupied part of my brain, and I felt a deep kinship with him. He was a misunderstood villain, I thought, when in reality, Odysseus and his crew should be positioned as the evil colonizers, and the Cyclops as the dehumanized victim of their atrocious conquest. I've always identified with the victims, I identify with the underdogs, the colonized, the beggars and the peasants, the bacteria in the sponge, the mosquitoes and the ants. I would get my revenge one day. Revenge on whom? someone might ask.

I'll show you, I said to no one.

The ones who overlooked me my entire life, all the people who underestimated the power of my will, my life force." (161)

In her unique, awkward presentation...with shoes of various sizes, stained pants, bleeding wounds, tears freely falling she embodies such a clear vision of herself. While she acknowledges that one point in her life she wished to be white, she has made peace with who she is. She is the epitome of adaptability. In her own frugal way which she is passed down from a community which she never felt a part of, she thrives within herself. She challenges conventional norms by her mere existence.  She is flawed yet triumphant.

Cantrell's writing twines social justice principles, the mechanisms of disenfranchisement, feminist themes, social/cultural insights deftly, all while championing the dignity and worth of each individual while preserving the right of each individual to have choice (autonomy).  There is a strong current of promoting positive outcomes for all. It is evident even in her discussions of her adoptive parents, who clearly failed to provide the emotional support she and her brother needed, yet you repeatedly see her desire to shine a light on their self blindness. Cantrell's discussions of ethics, morals and "keeping the peace" were a fascinating subtext. "I'm sorry to disrupt the peace was my stock apology...It was a good apology because it could mean so many different things to people. It could mean, I'm sorry I made a mistake. I'm sorry, I'll ruin you, bitch"(127.) I feel this encapsulates my own core beliefs perfectly. Although admitted I would prefer echo the questions asked by Rodney King, the unfortunate truth is that sometimes bitches just gots to get ruined. In any event, when in doubt, it is always better to be authentically yourself, not matter how disruptive that maybe, rather than be coopted by conformity.